The People of the State of New York vs. Lisa Barnhouse

Without sounding overly defensive, I’d like to state my case.

I was pulled over for going 85mph in a 65 zone.  Twice.  Within the same hour.  On the same interstate.  I found out the hard way that a) the odds do not work in your favor on the 88; b) the sight of flashing lights in my rear view mirror induces inexplicable terror; and c) my children can repeat verbatim every conversation they witness their mother having.

I took the first one like a caught rabbit and didn’t even blink.  As if somehow being cooperative and quiet would get me out of my fate.  But the second time I remembered all the tips on defense when you’re being attacked.  Fight like hell and whatever you do, don’t drive away with the offender.  Yes, I know I am taking liberties and that I was, in fact, the alleged offender here.  I begged and pleaded and showed the Officer my first ticket.  As if somehow he would think, “Oh, that poor white woman, trying to make it all the way to Massachusetts in the rain with her children, late for a dinner with her in-laws at their summer home.  Really, who can blame her for pushing her luck?”

The Professor was sympathetic and very helpful.  As were his mom and dad.  They were offering to hire attorneys, make calls, contact friends, all on my behalf.  This is not how it would have gone down at my parents’ house.  I can hear it now, “What the hell is your problem?  Are you insane? Don’t you know if you get three tickets inside of 18 months you get your license suspended?  Have fun walking to the grocery store!”

I ended up hiring an attorney to get the two tickets reduced to non-moving violations.  The worst part was feeling like I was somehow cheating the system.  Especially when I explained my plea bargains to my mom.

“Must be nice.  Buying your way out of consequences for something you did.”

Actually, it ended up costing the same.  With a little research, anyone can find out that if you send a letter with a copy of your clean driving record to the D.A. of the county where you got the ticket, they will consider reducing the charges.  They just want the fine money.

While I am still disgusted with myself the most, I can't help being mad at the People of the State of New York for hiding state troopers in the bushes up and down their Interstate.  Serious entrapment issues are another story, but I am happy to report that the courts aren’t completely Machiavellian.

Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
(Everybody sing) I'm cool...[She's] cool

I can't complain but sometimes I still do
Life's been good to me so far