The Things We Do for Love

Ski season is in full swing here in upstate New York. There is cross-country everywhere, including the Cornell Golf Course. For downhill and snowboarding, we go to a little resort called “Greek Peak” only 18 miles away. You can get there in 20 minutes, and the A-Frame Lodge serves wine! Even so, I was completely terrified of chaperoning the elementary school ski club for the first time because of the near freezing temperatures.



Truth is, I have never been sure about the sport. I started out with a father who “taught” me how to ski. No fancy lessons needed! He would just take us to the top of the mountain and holler, “Follow me!” as he whizzed his way down the slopes. It wouldn’t have been that bad except, in order to save money, he would buy me a child’s lift ticket, long after I had turned 12 years old. I was 5’ 9” by 5th grade, so that was tricky to pull off, even for a poker face like me. I only kept at it because my dad loved to ski so much.

Then I remember begging my mom to let me go with the school ski club in junior high school even though I wasn’t crazy about snow. But I was crazy about a certain 8th grader who was going on the trip and that meant I could sit by him for 2 ½ hours each way on the bus. I didn’t care what I had to do in the between time. That day had arguably the worst weather conditions imaginable but I skied, with frozen solid fingers and toes, hoping to impress a boy who only cared about looking at my Spanish tests.



It’s funny what we will endure. I skied with my husband and his friends for years just to prove I could. I really wanted to show them what a value-seeker I was, too, so I would hit the lifts when they opened and ski until the very last run of the day. I would be exhausted and in pain, but if asked to do "just one more," would nod my helmet head, and go.

After I married and had my babies, I took a break. I decided catching up on sleep was more important than trying to keep up with a bunch of guys whose bodies somehow didn't seem to register "cold" or "tired". Until one day, two years ago, toward the end of our vacation, I was alone in the rental house and it was absolutely gorgeous outside and all I could think about was my family having fun, without me, and I couldn’t take it. I threw down my book, drove over to the ski shop, bought myself some ski pants, rented equipment and in less than an hour was swishing down the snowy hills with my favorite boys.



If you can’t beat ‘em…




Join ‘em!

Who, me?

I was just catching up on the newsletters from the elementary school. I saw this paragraph in my Kindergartner’s weekly update:

Fostering Independence
I talked to the class about coming into the room alone in an effort to continue to develop independence. All children know how to get to our classroom and can do it on their own. I am encouraging you to say good-bye to your child at the back/front door of the school and let them come in on their own. Of course, if you need to help carry a heavy snack or talk to me, you are welcome to come to class.

Translation:
Lisa Gal, you are the only parent in the whole class who continues to walk your son into the room each day. While it is nice you are having a love affair with the child, it is not normal behavior. Having you Lord over him while he is trying to get organized for the day isn’t helpful for his growth. If you fear that your strapping four-foot six-year old can’t carry a sack of oranges on his own, you may come pester us on snack day.

I guess Ithaca is going to teach me a lot more than just how to stay warm!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Making decisions is not my strong suit. Tell me there is only vanilla ice cream and I will oohh and aahh over that dessert like it was the last scoop of sugar on earth. Take me to a 31 Flavors and I will stand there for 20 minutes, completely overwhelmed with the options, and then when I eventually settle on Pralines ‘n Cream, I will look longingly at your Mint Chocolate Chip...

We have been wrestling with whether or not to extend our time here. My husband loves teaching at Cornell and would stay forever. And while the kids and I are having a riot, we miss our friends and family in California. That said, the top schools in San Diego are in a sorry state because of the budget crisis, so there is no rush for us to move back to zero job offers! My husband was willing to stick with our original plan of returning after a year so I wouldn’t freak out and stab him in the middle of the night. Silly man! What would I do with a frozen 250 lb. body?!

In order to comply with the professor’s proper planning protocol, and to be fair to the university that WAS prepared to make us an offer, the pressure was on to make a choice BEFORE the end of winter. We had a very sage friend point out that our decision making process left much to be desired, so after our vacation, we sat down and figured it out. Like two adults! Without emotion and power struggles! It was an act of maturity worthy of a blog post! My husband stopped talking like we were making a commitment for the rest of our natural lives and I started getting excited about the additional time we have here in Ithaca.

“When you set out on your journey to Ithaca, pray that the road is long, full of adventure, full of knowledge.” --Constantine Peter Cavafy

I Believe

We got home at 1:30am after New Year’s Day. All Charming Baby (6 years old) could talk about on the drive home from the airport (one hour from Syracuse in a snow storm) was that he couldn’t wait to see what Santa left for them in Ithaca. They both got letters from the North Pole explaining that their gifts would be dropped off in New York while they were on vacation. Santa managed to find them in Palm Desert and leave stockings for everyone—-mostly hand and toe warmers, lip balm and hand cream. Smart Santa!



My youngest still thinks there is a Santa Claus and it is so sweet. My oldest is either the oddest 10-year-old on the planet or simply wise enough to know not to blow my day of glory. After many late nights in California and a long day of travel, First Born Prince burst into tears when he realized he did not get the air-soft gun he wanted. I told him we would discuss it in the morning and if he was VERY lucky, Santa wouldn’t hold his rude, insensitive behavior against him.



The next day, after lots of sleep, an apology from Charlie delivered loud enough for everyone to hear, and Sam so excited he dressed himself from head to toe to finger tips in snow gear without assistance, we headed to the elementary school so they could test out their new gifts.



It was 14 degrees with a wind chill near zero and they were giggling and sledding and playing like puppies. I realized that if you remove silly adult notions like “it’s too cold to go outside” or “Santa doesn’t exist” from any equation, you end up with loads of unabashed fun.

Indoor Activities

There used to be only one thing that could keep me in bed all day long…ahem…but I have officially added a few more to the list. Swine flu and inclement weather have changed my ways. First, my illness before Thanksgiving left me so drained that I had no choice but to lie there begging for death…or more of the Tylenol with Codeine tablets we had in the medicine cabinet. Now, it is so damn cold outside, I have been under my covers all morning.

As a kid, I was tossed outside with my brother on a regular basis. Every Californian is familiar with the chant, “It’s a gorgeous day! Get out there and enjoy it!” It carries over into adulthood, too. I actually had a friend who wouldn’t go to a matinee on a sunny day because she felt too guilty. I know the feeling. It was next to impossible for any of us to enjoy the indoor activities we liked when it was so beautiful out. Who could focus on making soup, playing the piano, or going to a museum when all we heard were our swim suits, bicycles, or running shoes calling our names? My ideal winter day is curling up by a fire and watching a movie, reading, or playing games, but on the west coast, it was difficult to find enough bad weather days to fit in all the hibernating I like to do.

As the thermometer drops, I will get around to all the things I put off for most of my life because I was preoccupied with “soaking up the sunshine.” I guess some people are more disciplined and can force themselves to stay inside and get things done. But I can honestly say that I left my house a mess and wound up on the beach more often than not. I have a long list that is waiting for me, from organizing photos to finally learning how to use a pottery wheel…but first up is a guilt-free day of catching up with my friends that I owe calls to…that is, if they aren’t too busy to answer the phone.

Resolutions about Resolutions

A few years ago I changed my approach to New Year’s resolutions. This was after I realized the longest I had kept one was four days--the year I set out to deepen my understanding of current events, vowing to read the New York Times every day. The paper still comes in its bright blue bag, a nagging reminder that I am not keeping my end of the deal. I think the shortest time was when I gave up swearing. I kissed everyone good night, wished them a happy new year and then stubbed my toe on the way to bed at 2am.

My resolutions have spanned from “be a better listener” to the lofty “stop using plastic bags.” My personal favorite: “stop lying about what I spend money on.” Yes, we can all benefit from making healthy changes--eating more vegetables (and if they are locally grown, that’s two resolutions at once for me) and working out regularly, but the year my midnight promise meant the most was when I decided to stop trying to bend my habits and simply choose one thing to accomplish that year that really mattered.

Some people are naturals at prioritizing and making sure they get all the big picture stuff done; however, I often find myself wandering through the year, focusing on things like getting price adjustments on sale items at Target before it’s too late. While I realize raising children is humble work, the only way I am going to look back on my life with satisfaction is if I am able to say to my grand children the same thing my grand father said to me every time I saw him the last ten years of his life: “I am not afraid of dying. I am ready. I had a wonderful life. There is nothing left I haven’t done that I wanted to do.” It used to freak me out, especially when I was left alone with him, thinking if I beat him at backgammon one more time it might be the final push to the grave he kept talking about. I understand now he was reassuring me that ageing is not a scary thing if you live with no regrets.

So, this year, instead of worrying if my boys are making their beds regularly, or scolding myself for buying partially-hydrogenated oils, I am going to research the national parks in New York and I am going to get out my calendar and plot out a way to check them all out while we are still living in upstate New York, while my boys are still interested in hiking and camping with me, while I can still hike and camp…while we are still living…

Auld Lang Syne

I just received this invitation:

Come celebrate the New Year with us!

Thursday, December 31, 2009
8:00 pm til 2010
[friends’ address], Ithaca

Hang out by the fire, inside or outside, relax, and shake off the old year. Dancing is entirely a possibility.

We'll have the champagne chilled and ready! Please bring your favorite beverage or a nibbly type of thing...

Kids are welcome. Feel free to crash here for the night and join us for a New Year's Day hike in the morning (but not too early in the morning)--or maybe a skate out at the pond...

Hope you can make it,
[friends’ names]

RSVP by Mon Dec 28

This is exactly what I am all worked up over! No one in Ithaca is complaining that their neighbor’s Christmas lights are tacky, or that the mall is a zoo right now. No, they are dreaming up entirely thoughtful and charming parties so that they can say good-bye to the old and welcome in the new by embracing everything magical this time of year...

Friends here are starting to make jokes that I should work for the Ithaca Chamber of Commerce. I guess it’s hard for me not to beam and act like a honeymooner, especially when I am getting enticing little e-mails like the one above!




Cheers!