Why do I envy women who can unapologetically be stay-at-home moms, satisfied with offering their families inspired meal plans and a laundry system that works? They are not killing themselves to validate their existence outside the home, always mumbling something about the class they are taking or small business they are starting. I guess it’s because they are not afraid of the answer to the question, “What do you do?” Or, they had a frontal lobotomy.
These women aren’t stupid or bored and seem to have a fulfilling existence. Martha Stewart built an empire showing us the meaning and importance of organizing our closets and making our own cookies. Who else but a housewife has the time to label garage shelves and store wreaths properly? Those of us who chose working in the home found ways to make it about more than just raising the kids--volunteering, throwing dinner parties and training for marathons. Even if it’s not sexy, it can be at least a little glamorous.
What happens when mom wakes up one day and decides she doesn’t care about the cupboards anymore? What happens when the kids are old enough to do their own laundry? We’ve been at it for a long time now and some of us cannot hide the stress-fractures anymore. I recently heard tales about a woman in an upscale suburb in Silicon Valley falling out of her family’s golf cart after a BBQ where she had too much to drink. Her husband just put her back in, waved good-bye and drove off.
Where there is a symptom, there is usually a disease. I like being at home, I want to be the one around after school and making dinner. It’s a fun challenge figuring out how to keep it all fresh. As we hit the doldrums of the stay-at-home mom career, we have to find ourselves somewhere besides the couch, mall or bottle.
I am trying to find that sweet spot—a place where my household is running smoothly but I am not ready to slit my wrists with a butter knife. I am one of the lucky ones in that I have a choice, but even with that, balance takes practice. At least I have the saving grace of really funny friends and a husband who thinks there are no right or wrong answers—only good questions.
Lisa, I used to be perplexed when strangers at parties or in social situations with my husband would ask me what I "Do." Hubby would often butt in and answer for me... "Julie is a fitness trainer...and a marketing writer" and I would just look at him and answer for myself: "I look after my two kids, mostly...what about you?" I never feel the need to say more than that because what I DO tells others nothing of my "story"....xo
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