Machete Master

Enrolling in university this fall felt like a military exercise. Filling out forms, getting approvals, and stalking the registrar’s office required deft maneuvering and truculent precision.

As an undergraduate I had convinced myself it was really all just a big test to see if we could deal with red tape. I actually thought the purpose of my education was to learn how to function properly in a bureaucracy. The pizza delivery boy that came to my dorm wearing a pin that read “Tip me with a ‘B’—Buck, Beer or Bong Hit” cemented my suspicions.

I now have a different perspective on the privilege of attending school, and am channeling my inner 7th grader who dutifully attended every class and completed every assignment. The only difference is that instead of going to lectures in a government-created school system made famous by Brenda Spencer and Jeff Spicoli, I am studying in a majestic three-story building built in 1893 by Ezra Cornell where Vladimir Nabokov had his office and Toni Morrison attended English classes.