Resolutions about Resolutions

A few years ago I changed my approach to New Year’s resolutions. This was after I realized the longest I had kept one was four days--the year I set out to deepen my understanding of current events, vowing to read the New York Times every day. The paper still comes in its bright blue bag, a nagging reminder that I am not keeping my end of the deal. I think the shortest time was when I gave up swearing. I kissed everyone good night, wished them a happy new year and then stubbed my toe on the way to bed at 2am.

My resolutions have spanned from “be a better listener” to the lofty “stop using plastic bags.” My personal favorite: “stop lying about what I spend money on.” Yes, we can all benefit from making healthy changes--eating more vegetables (and if they are locally grown, that’s two resolutions at once for me) and working out regularly, but the year my midnight promise meant the most was when I decided to stop trying to bend my habits and simply choose one thing to accomplish that year that really mattered.

Some people are naturals at prioritizing and making sure they get all the big picture stuff done; however, I often find myself wandering through the year, focusing on things like getting price adjustments on sale items at Target before it’s too late. While I realize raising children is humble work, the only way I am going to look back on my life with satisfaction is if I am able to say to my grand children the same thing my grand father said to me every time I saw him the last ten years of his life: “I am not afraid of dying. I am ready. I had a wonderful life. There is nothing left I haven’t done that I wanted to do.” It used to freak me out, especially when I was left alone with him, thinking if I beat him at backgammon one more time it might be the final push to the grave he kept talking about. I understand now he was reassuring me that ageing is not a scary thing if you live with no regrets.

So, this year, instead of worrying if my boys are making their beds regularly, or scolding myself for buying partially-hydrogenated oils, I am going to research the national parks in New York and I am going to get out my calendar and plot out a way to check them all out while we are still living in upstate New York, while my boys are still interested in hiking and camping with me, while I can still hike and camp…while we are still living…