Facebook Nation

I caught the headline of an article from Consumer Reports, “7 Things to Stop Doing Now on Facebook.” I clicked on the article to make sure DFB (drunk Facebooking) wasn’t on there.

1. Using a Weak Password
Some people have elaborate algorithms for assigning unique passwords for each protected entity. If I was that savvy, I wouldn’t be spending my free time on Facebook.

2. Leaving Your Full Birth Date in Your Profile
How else will people know I share the same birth year as Lisa Marie Presley? Unless identity thieves can’t piece together basic guess work from high school or college graduation dates, the jig is up.

3. Overlooking Useful Privacy Controls
Who besides my stalkers care about what I read or where I took my kids on spring break?

4. Posting Your Child's Name in a Caption
Now there’s a move for the true narcissist. You are better off doing a background check on the priest in your neighborhood.

5. Mentioning That You'll Be Away From Home
As long as you remember to post how much you adore the Israeli soldier who will be house sitting for you, I think it’s okay to say you’re on vacation.

6. Letting Search Engines Find You
If my ex boyfriends were that smart, they would have married me. I don’t think I have anything to worry about.

7. Permitting Youngsters to Use Facebook Unsupervised
Yes, ladies, put down that glass of wine, get out of the tub and go sit in your teenage sons’ room while they comment on their friends’ skateboarding photos.

I think I can provide more useful tips, “7 Things to Start Doing Now on Facebook”:

1. Use humor and wit—they are free!
2. Let the love flow—if someone says something that makes you smile, “like” it.
3. If you have an annoying “friend” just “hide” them—you do not have to witness their entire Farmville escapade on your screen.
4. Appreciate the fact that your older relatives have figured out to sign-up, import a picture and friend you. Even if their comments are painful (“I remember when you were chubby!”)
5. It’s okay to friend your boss. She doesn’t really care if you went hog-wild at Target during lunch. She knows you blew off the conference call.
6. Resist the temptation to tell us what you ate for breakfast, unless it was newsworthy. Really.
7. “Untag” yourself from photos you don’t like. Gisele and Jennifer didn’t make it this far without editing.