Four Ways to Move Your Lover

There are four ways to transport four-legged humans (that’s what the Jet Blue booking agent called them) across country.  Any pet under 20 lbs. can be carried on and stowed under the seat in front of you. Her Royal Majesty is only 11 lbs. and that’s what we'll do for her.  I bought the largest airline carrier they offer and it's still tight.  I have no idea how you stuff one of Mama’s Good Eaters into one of those things.  If you have a Garfieldesque cat, or a dog that cannot be passed off as a squirrel, here is what you can do:

1.     Drive them. As much as I adore Lucky Bastard, I am not willing to drive for 15 hours a day for five days straight, trying to find places for him to relieve himself as I go.

2.     Have someone else drive them. My mother offered to fly out and drive him back for us.  The Professor ruled that one out immediately.  He said, “I love your mother, and I love Huck, too much, to allow that.”  How much trouble can a 68-year-old lady and a mutt can get into?

3.     Fly them on PetAirways (they are then called Pawsengers).  If you are afraid of checking your furry family into the belly of a plane (I had visions of our dog arriving in San Diego motionless), you can pay $700 for a ticket on PetAirways.  There is an additional $200 charge if you need to rent a crate and since we don’t have an industrial strength refridgerator box laying around, that’s $900.  They only fly westbound on certain days, and only out of NYC to LA.  They make five stops and it takes 14 hours.  Sure, the Pawsengers are served meals and probably champagne at those prices, but non-stop to San Diego seemed like a better route.

4.     Fly them on your flight.  Continental Airlines is known for being the most pet-friendly airline.  They guarantee your canine cargo flies with you, the animals are the last to board and the first to deplane (seems like every breathing thing gets off before I do now).  Supposedly there is temperature control (more awful visions), both in the cargo area and in the van that transports them to and from the plane.  The cost for their special PetSafe program is $395 one way. 

Sure we considered other options.  The classic motor home trip, or maybe even just the station wagon, all packed up with me leading  camp songs as we rolled along.  I had vignettes of stopping at national parks and eating at roadside diners.  “Easy Rider” could be my handle.  But then, in the quiet of the night, alone with my Google Maps, I broke it down:  one vehicle, two drivers, two children, two live animals, six motels, seven days, 21 meals.  Did I forget the 3,000 miles?  As much as I hate to admit it, I’ll take sane and practical for $400.